Let It Go

Let it go. We hold fear and worries tightly to our chest, stalling us in our progress. We think that if we hold on to our worries and fears tightly enough, we'll protect ourselves from the disappointment and pain attached to the things or people we worry about. Inevitably, being afraid of uncertainty has the reverse effect and we end up more hurt. The only way to really move forward and not continue to hurt our spirit (the very thing we are afraid to do) is to let the fear and pain go by giving it away to the Lord. Unwillingness to forgive others usually stems from a fear of getting hurt again. We insist upon clenching tightly to that fear, perpetuating the hurt. An unwillingness to forgive oneself usually stems from a lack of self-trust; fear of not being up to task. It stops us in our tracks. Relationships wilt for the lack of life-support, which is trust and forgiveness, and confidence in oneself wanes.

What are we afraid of? Rejection, the future, disappointment, misunderstanding, etc… Our mothers were right when they said, “that’s life.” It is full of the things we are afraid of and we are consistently faced with seemingly unfair circumstances. If we are strong enough to choose faith instead of fear, progress and happiness become our path and we are saved from our cowardly plight.

We must decide to ask for strength again and again as we experience new, foreign, unexpectedly devastating experiences. If we do this, the outcome will be the same…we will be in a forward motion rather than a spiral downward.

How do we let fear go? We use our will to believe that He will carry the burden that it may be light (Matt. 11:30). We humble ourselves to believe that there is more to our life and plan than meets our current perspective (Isaiah 55:8). He is over all and all things will work together for our good (D & C 98:3), even when we think we have screwed it all up (D & C 10). It will, in fact, work itself out. It usually isn't in our own time or in the way we think it should go, but hearts will be softened, understanding will come, and strength will be endowed. Just let it go and believe.

One Step at a Time

Recently, I went to Southern Utah with some friends to do some canyoneering. After we left the home base for our excursion and I didn’t have any choice, these friends thought they’d just mention that one of the nine repels we would be doing through the slot canyons was 170 ft. into water. Swimming with my backpack on was definitely a new experience! My first repel ever was when I was 13 years old. If my memory serves me correctly, since then, I have gone on average, once. I rock-climb 2-3 times per year and have done a near-complete job of overcoming my fear of heights. I don’t know if 170 ft. is a lot to you, but even the well-experienced guys tried not to have a trembled look in their eyes when they told me the height of this monster cliff. I replied with, “You have confidence in me being able to do this, right?” “Yup,” was their reply. “That's good,” I thought.

I very much like to do hard things. Well, I DO hard things, but I don’t always like it; however, I NEVER regret doing hard things because I learn something every time. I like that part. My personal motto on this trip was, ‘Just sit back in the harness, look forward, and take it one step at a time.’ While the others were checking out the contour of the routes on the cliff beforehand, I didn’t. I was a little too freaked out to look down there. I would find out soon enough and that was good enough for me. Let gravity do its trick.

So I’m hooked up, feet on the ledge and I repeat in my mind, “You've got this. Just sit back in the harness, look straight ahead at the rock, and walk down the cliff one step at a time.” Doing it this way was easy. One of the coolest parts about it was that I was in control. I had to really trust myself, which can be hard. I could go fast, slow, or stop. The others were good at reassuring me when I needed it. I ended up having lots of fun and each of the nine repels were a new adventure.

In life we need to just sit back, look forward, and take it one step at a time. Sometimes we aren’t patient enough with ourselves. Sometimes we don’t trust ourselves or the Lord enough. Whatever your journey, whether it is school, work, parenting, dating, marriage, trying to find work, seeking to feel the Lord’s love, just remember the Lord’s command: be still and know that I am God.

We are given commandments for our benefit. The gratification or glory from the world has no competition with the power and blessings given from the Lord when we keep his commandments. Elder Holland reminds us that, “On that very night [of Gethsemane], the night of greatest suffering the world has ever known or will know, [the Savior] said, ‘Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you….Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.’ ” Have you ever thought about that as a commandment? He goes on to say, “I submit to you that [this] may be one of the Savior’s commandments that is…almost universally disobeyed (BYU, 1997).’”

Just like any other commandment, this particular one takes conscious effort. We can get caught up in fear, anxiety, distrust and find ourselves swirling around confused, not feeling sure about what the Spirit’s promptings feels like. In these moments of uncertainly and insecurity, we must turn to the Lord and ask him, as our Father, to comfort us and give us peace and confidence. He wants that for us. He wants us to know that we can trust ourselves and trust Him, especially if our desires are good. I have found that the scriptures are a key source of peace and strength for me. I turn to our prophet and apostles’ words for guidance. The Lord calms my soul and I become charged with confidence and reassurance that I am His and all is well. Recently, I had an experience that sent my security straight to the ground. I spent that time asking for confidence and strength, opening up my scriptures on my phone every time I felt weak. The result: I became strong. The Nephites in Helaman 3:35 did “fast and pray oft, and did wax stronger and stronger in their humility and firmer and firmer in their faith in Christ.” In a world where we are judged by so many outward factors, we need to be strong in our faith. We need to know that we are His. Our eternal worth never changes, whether we feel we aren’t pretty enough, wealthy enough, elite enough, good enough or smart enough.

Remember, especially in moments of trial and weakness that the Lord gives us the Spirit for our comfort and guidance so that we may with ease, sit back, look forward, and take life one step at a time.

Your Butterfly [Affect]

Chaos theory studies a system known as the butterfly effect, as applied in math, sciences, engineering, etc. It is a series of events that occur because of the sensitivity to the first event. For example, a butterfly flapping its wings in Argentina can affect the weather in Houston. That small event snowballs or ripples unpredictably.

Have you ever stopped to think of the power of example? Have you ever tried to keep up with the Jones’? (Who are they anyway?) Have you ever “jumped on the bandwagon?” Yup, we all have. What choice did you make that you wouldn’t have otherwise made, changing your course slightly? For the sake of an example, think of someone in a position of great influence that you really respect. If they were to do something that you thought shocking, how many people do you think would follow suit and justify in their own heart doing that same thing? It may not be openly admitted that these people’s action spawned from that, but our actions have both potential and kinetic energy that we are typically unaware of. We think that our actions only affect ourselves; however, we don’t know who is watching us at any given moment. Who do you watch? That sounds creepy, but come on…if you esteem anyone, you watch their actions and sometimes do what they have done. It is our nature. “So-and-so is a great person and they do that, so I can too and I will be fine.” Oh yeah, you were just looking for a reason to justify what you do or wanted to do. Other times when you see a good example, you say, “I really like that they do that. I am going to do that as well,” and now your life is better for it. I take pieces I like of people and I assimilate it into my life. I have developed many good traits because of the people I have known. I didn’t become me (good and bad) by myself, although in the end, the choice is mine. Most people don’t even know what influence they had on me, but I can pinpoint small changes of course and who unknowingly helped. This gleaning from others does not stop.

Some of my favorite (and I have many) chapters in the Book of Mormon are in the book of Alma from Ch. 32-40, respectively. In Ch. 37, he is speaking to his son, Helaman and in verse 6 says, “… by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.” I don’t know about you, but it seems in my life that the small things make the most difference. It is the daily prayer and scripture study that help me feel close to the Lord. It is the first introduction that stems a life-long friendship. It is thinking to try something new that leads to a brand new hobby. It was the kind words of encouragement that gave me strength to keep training for and running a marathon.

People have the ability to inspire or deplete hope in others through their actions and words. Ultimately, our hope should lie in the Lord, for he is unchanging; however, we cannot deny the power of ours and others’ influence. We can also be sure that our choices will affect generations that follow us. Children and grandchildren look to us for our example. May we keep striving one day or hour at a time, remembering that “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass,” even by a wee butterfly. What is your affect? Contrastingly, what is your effect?

You Got Yourself There

A few years ago, I was listening in on a conversation of friends about a family relation that lives mostly on Church Welfare and food stamps. The wife stayed home with the kids and he was in an out of jobs. She was quite capable of working, but they have strong values for her staying home with the kids. This situation frustrated my one friend who felt like they got a lot for nothing. She looked at it and thought that because he was not proving his ability to hold down a steady income or even make good choices, the wife should pick up the slack and get a job, leaving him at home with the kids.

The friends having the conversation were and are successful in their career. They have been wise enough with their finances and haven’t fallen prey to lay-offs that struggling hasn’t been an issue. They contribute money to the Church welfare system monthly. They recognize the need for family to step in first when family struggles, but apparently the couple had burned so many financial bridges in their family, making the same irresponsible mistakes over and over, that their family mostly decided to leave it in the hands of the bishop and state, who could make the necessary allocations for their food and other needs.

As I was recently reading in the Book of Mormon in Mosiah 4:16-19, I was reminded of this conversation from a few years ago. In this scripture, King Benjamin is giving a sermon to the people, telling them to not turn away the beggar or say within themselves, “the man has brought this upon himself his misery, so I will stay my hand and will not give unto him…of my substance…for his punishments are just.” King Benjamin reminds us that we are all beggars. We all need help from the Lord. He has given us EVERYTHING we have, so for us to withhold our substance from those who could benefit, is giving the Lord a good reason to withhold blessings from us. You may see someone whose situation you think you know well and out of bitterness or spite say to yourself, “They got themselves there, they can get themselves out.” The Lord is always willing to help us out of our situations if we but turn to him, so we, therefore, ought to do the same for others. How we judge and treat others is how we will be dealt with by the Lord, which is only fair. He gives us blessings we don’t deserve. That is called grace.

The question arises: How do I help people without enabling their poor choices in money management? Sometimes it is giving money and sometimes it isn't. Love doesn't mean enabling poor behavior. It means ultimately helping people so they can help themselves. Use your best judgement and give to charities or organizations that have values you esteem, so you feel like you are keeping the commandment to give freely and not turn away the poor and needy. After all…anyone could be left in a destitute situation at any time, right? It may not always be financial, but we are all in need of care. Let us not withhold unnecessarily if it could benefit another or relieve a burden.

Mountain Waves...

The Book of Ether in The Book of Mormon recently gave me some great insights. You know how it is...reading along and TA-DA, pleasantly surprised by the wee fleck of gold shimmering before your eyes and heart. In Ch. 6:7, the brother of Jared and the rest of the crew commended themselves to the Lord, so all is well from here on out, right? Wrong. Not suddenly a happy little boat ride. The Lord in v. 7 causes a wind…not just a wind, but a furious wind to blow on the waters moving them toward the promised land. Gee, nice of the Lord to help them along, huh? If you were in that ship, you may not think it so nice because “they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind…they were many times buried in the depths of the sea because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind.” N.O.T. fun. Imagine being inside of that air-tight ship with some stones for light, a bunch of animals and some food. They may have had some genius inventions, courtesy inspirations from the Lord, but something tells me that they weren’t equipped with hand sanitizer, Glade, comfy recliners, beds, and entertainment. They were likely tossed around themselves. When I was in California, I went surfing…ahem...attempted, and I felt like a character in an action movie getting punched down, relentlessly getting back up, but getting punched down again. Those waves (on a calm day) knocked me down like a pin in a bowling alley. If I was in that ship with “mountain waves” breaking on it and having to “cry unto the Lord” to bring us back up to the top of the waters, I think it would feel like a trial.

They got an answer of specific direction from the Lord to build a ship and go to the Promised Land, like when Noah built a ship for the flood, but that did not mean easy-peezy from there on out. "If we are serious about our discipleship, Jesus will eventually request each of us to do those very things which are most difficult for us to do," as Elder Neal A. Maxwell stated. If we believe the Lord when He shows His consent, prompts us, or we receive guidance to move in a direction, we can EXPECT trials to come. We can EXPECT that what comes next won’t be easy, like mountain waves breaking on us. True discipleship was never easy and Christ was the perfect example of that. We will continually need to show the Lord we trust Him and are confident in His direction.

The most important of all is that despite the trials they had on the ship, they did “sing praises unto the Lord all the day long” and all night long. They were serious about their gratitude and faith in the Lord. They saw their blessings amongst the hard times. That shows strength of character and love for the Lord. They were on the water for almost a whole year (344 days) before they arrived in the Promised Land! Does that take patience and true discipleship? You bet! In fact, when they arrived (v.12), they were so glad to be alive and arrived, that they bowed down and shed tears. I can’t imagine the relief and gratitude they must have felt. After 344 days in a tempest tossed sea, sometimes very hot and sometimes very cold, would you be praising the Lord for His tender mercies of letting you live and letting you get there? Let us praise the Lord by showing gratitude though He helps us along with a furious wind sometimes. What you are going through I am sure is hard, but if you really think about it, it could be worse.

Trust God and Trust Yourself

A scripture that I remind myself of says, "Behold, you have not understood; you have supposed that I would give it unto you, when you took no thought save it was to ask me. But, behold, I say unto you, that you must study it out in your mind; then you must ask me if it be right, and if it is right I will cause that your bosom shall burn within you; therefore, you shall feel that it is right. But if it be not right you shall have no such feelings, but you shall have a stupor of thought that shall cause you to forget the thing which is wrong;" (D&C 9:6-9). That scripture is meaningful to me because while the adversary would like us to go on in confusion and without particular direction, the Lord would have us take some thought, look at advantages and disadvantages, think about inspirations and revelations and feelings thus far, then make a decision. Once we make a decision, we then move forward in that direction and watch it unfold. It is as Hebrews 11:1, which states, “Faith is the assurance (confidence or certainty) of things hoped for, the evidence (facts or information proved) of things not seen.” Paul is telling us to go ahead and try faith. My brother and I like to go cliff jumping at lakes in the summertime. He coaxes me and encourages me EVERY time and stands right there with me. We must get ourselves ready to jump off the cliff into the water, or do which we have decided upon or hoped for, then watch as the evidence of having taken the leap of faith unfolds itself. The splash usually wasn’t as scary as I thought. In fact, everything turns out alright and I even had a lot of fun! We have to show faith by moving forward by deciding to and then as we move forward, not knowing what will happen, the Lord will light the way, which He does best, mind you, and then gives us the proper evidence we need to know if the decision was the right one.

I recently experienced this with graduate school. I felt confident about moving forward until a little thing called fear paralyzed me for a full week after ALMOST pushing the accept button. Fear of the unknown stops us dead in our tracks, while faith gives us the confidence to move forward. The best part is that He promises us that He will light the way for us. The Lord encourages us to “walk while ye have the light, lest darkness come upon you (John 12:35).” To me, that indicates that we have a time period that we need to act upon what we have received as inspiration from God or else the adversary comes in and clouds our mind and heart, creating darkness and confusion. At that point, we so often find ourselves second-guessing the choice or the feelings we originally recieved. Why do we do that? Usually out of fear of the unknown or fear of hurting someone. Where does fear come from? The father of lies. He puts little lies in our head, telling us we can’t do that, we’re not good enough, we aren’t ready, and the strongest lie of all...that what we received wasn’t real and you can’t trust your feelings. Boy, does that get our head spinning like a hamster in a cage and get our heart weighing 3 stones heavier! We no longer trust ourselves or the Lord and find ourselves in the darkness the Lord warned us about.

What can we do about this? Pay attention to how we felt in the beginning of whatever journey we are plodding and as we began the path, then weigh in the factors that are important to us. From there, MAKE a decision. That's right, this is the most important part...make a decision and then put that decision in God’s hands and then do as the Beatles put it so simply, let it be. Just start walking forward, or if you have to close your eyes and leap into the water, by all means, that is why it is called a leap of faith. The Lord will help you see the rest of the story. He will unfold what needs to be revealed and you will know whether your decision is the right path for you. Trust Him and trust yourself. I forget to do both often...