To Be Gentle

I am constantly aware of the state of my humanity. It particularly stares me down when I am not gentle or kind to the people in my life who matter the most to me. The ones that I hope feel loved and liked by me. I want them to feel I would do anything for them...even treat them with kindness in a rough moment. Sometimes in one split second, a harsh word or action can turn a perfectly good morning into tension. It can turn joy into sorrow. It can breed insecurity.

As I studied James 3:17, it says, But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. I wondered why this verse talks about peace, gentleness, being easy-going, merciful, etc and why that list begins with purity. The dictionary states that purity is freedom from adulteration or contamination, which basically means that it is free from any substance that makes the quality lesser. For example, the quality of a diamond increases with its purity because the clarity is what people want to see in a diamond. The question arises, What does it mean for us to be pure so that we can be peaceable, gentle, easy-going, merciful, and not hypocritical?

I believe the answer to that question is personal. Each person has things they wish were better about them. For some it is a need for perfection, other a substance vice, for others, a sexual vice. For others, it is the need for control, and the list goes on. Every person has something that affects their ability to be more gentle or peaceful in tough moments. We all have character flaws, that by working on it and being more gentle with ourselves and giving ourselves a chance to rise beyond it, naturally become more gentle with others and allow the little things to roll off our backs. That said, we will still have moments far below our character. We are human, not robots, and therefore will be thrown for a loop in an unexpected moment. That is when we must swallow our pride. The key is noting what sets you off and having the self-discipline to stop yourself in a rash minute.

It's easy to know this and harder to know AND do. That is always the tricky part. In the educational world, educators know this as the Knowing-Doing Gap. It's real, people. As humans, no matter the age, we know stuff, but struggle with then doing it. Maybe the answer is never staying off the horse. You fall off, you get back on. You never give up and stay off. If it happens often, you get help. Sometimes we need someone to coach us to do better so that we don't spiral into a depression.

Being human is not easy, but with time and help, we can get better at it. One more thing that is important to mention is giving others a reasonable benefit of the doubt. By believing that people mean well (if they aren't abusive), then put yourself in their place and try to have perspective. Perspective will make or break a tough situation and you will come out having triumphed.